Walk with me ~ Path of Candy

It's been awhile since I update my blog...

Lots of things happened.....New Year trips, court case, Family matters....now it's nearly half way through 2008. 
Sometimes I would question myself and ask God at the same time: What have I been doing?  Have I done enough?  Good enough?  Where are you?  Are you here?  What are you doing?
 
For quite a lengthy period of time, I have not been able to sense the presence of God during the time of prayer, worship.....not even mentioning about in the mundane, routine, daily life.  Then I ask myself: What's wrong with me?  Why can I find you God?  Where are You? Why are You hiding from me?  Where are You?  Then I became frustrated.........Why am I not experiencing Your grace and love showering into my family like others do?  Why am I not seeing them change even I tried so hard?  Why am I feeling a slight bitterness after I heard a testimony shared by one of my sisters, whose mum's stubborn heart was once harden towards You but now has changed into a heart that  longing after You?  Why do You remain silent towards me after I've asked You so many questions??

I became frustrated to the point that I said to myself: I want to give up.  I'm angry......and I don't want to talk to You, God.   I don't even feel like praising and worshiping You, singing those songs in the assembly.......... The promises that He once made to me, the Words that He once spoken to me, the presence of God that I once experienced...they all seemed something far...some "old" memories that only allow me to reminiscence once awhile to remind me, I am a Christian. 

Just like Peter and Susan in The Chronicles of Narnia.....who were not able to see Aslan like Lucy do.  At difference points of time during their adventure, they honestly told Lucy: Why can't I see Aslan?  They envied (not in a bad way) how Lucy  is so blessed to be able to see Aslan from afar.   Even the Narnians lost hope because they were being oppressed for so long, and Aslan never appeared as they were told by their ancestors.  The existence of "Aslan" was doubted, they thought the story about Aslan was merely "story".  Then when enemies came to attack, they fought with all their might, even willing to fight til death....but there is no hope of winning.  Tired, desperate, hopelessness.....waited for so long but WHERE IS ASLAN? 

That's exactly how I felt.

In the end, through the help of brave Lucy, Aslan was found (who was waiting for the Pevensies to ask for help).  At the crucial moment, the Lion roared, enemy defeated, battle won. 

As I was watching the scene where Aslan was manifesting his great power by summoning the nature for help, I felt God was remaining to me again: I'm here, I've always been here, dear.  

"Be still, and know that I am God"

and Jesus said
"Give me your hand, and learn to let go
trust in Me, that's all you need to know"

因為facebook的關係，竟然「遇」上十多年沒有聯絡的小學同學......突然好像時光倒留到小學年代.....一群在我腦海中失落在角落的名字浮現了出來......感覺很神奇。於是立刻用MSN聯絡同學仔，很雀躍地要跟他「相認」……一下子好像要尋找曾經失落的回憶和友誼……又不停在facebook尋找其他「失散」了的小學和中學同學...好像有點瘋狂....希望我「奇怪」的舉動沒有嚇親同學仔 :P

你好，我叫馬佩雲。
歡迎與我「相認」。
小學：馬頭涌官立下午小學  88/89 1C; 89/90 2A; 90/91 3A; 91/92 4C; 92/93 5C; 93/94 6C
中學：路德會協同中學 94/95 S.1B (Miss曾); 95/96 S.2E (林啟榮老師) 於 95年12月離校往澳洲繼續學業。

與我小四同班的同學仔：記得當年的聖誕聯歡會，我們都好像發了瘋一般的唱李克勤的「護花使者」嗎？當時的卡拉OK是從播放ETV的電視機播的！  :-)