Grandpa R.I.P on 16th Aug 2008 morning.

It's a shame that I was not beside him for his last moment.

I miss you.

從此以後，每當我……
……喝著維他朱古力奶；
……到九龍城街市的樂園食餐蛋麵；
……到衙前塱道的義香喝豆漿；
……撘11K到竹園村總站；
都會想起你的微笑。

我和你的一點一滴，都永遠在我的腦海裡。

為甚麼連應有的工作態度都沒有？為甚麼不懂得尊重和珍惜你的工作？為甚麼不珍惜被給予的機會？需知道，機會並不是唾手可得……還是你根本不希罕這個機會，只視這個為一份「好過無」的工作？！

教而不善……枉我浪費心機去教訓你。

還是我自找麻煩？！

常聽長輩慨歎：一代不如一代……現在真是心領神會。

你要食多點飯，好好在醫院休養。這樣身體才會好，精神才會好。也希望你早日認識主耶穌，這樣我們才可以在天家再會。你知道嗎？我兩個的小小心願，便是希望你可以看著我出嫁，和認識主耶穌。所以，希望你明白我的心意，不要自暴自棄。

孫女上

It's been awhile since I update my blog...

Lots of things happened.....New Year trips, court case, Family matters....now it's nearly half way through 2008. 
Sometimes I would question myself and ask God at the same time: What have I been doing?  Have I done enough?  Good enough?  Where are you?  Are you here?  What are you doing?
 
For quite a lengthy period of time, I have not been able to sense the presence of God during the time of prayer, worship.....not even mentioning about in the mundane, routine, daily life.  Then I ask myself: What's wrong with me?  Why can I find you God?  Where are You? Why are You hiding from me?  Where are You?  Then I became frustrated.........Why am I not experiencing Your grace and love showering into my family like others do?  Why am I not seeing them change even I tried so hard?  Why am I feeling a slight bitterness after I heard a testimony shared by one of my sisters, whose mum's stubborn heart was once harden towards You but now has changed into a heart that  longing after You?  Why do You remain silent towards me after I've asked You so many questions??

I became frustrated to the point that I said to myself: I want to give up.  I'm angry......and I don't want to talk to You, God.   I don't even feel like praising and worshiping You, singing those songs in the assembly.......... The promises that He once made to me, the Words that He once spoken to me, the presence of God that I once experienced...they all seemed something far...some "old" memories that only allow me to reminiscence once awhile to remind me, I am a Christian. 

Just like Peter and Susan in The Chronicles of Narnia.....who were not able to see Aslan like Lucy do.  At difference points of time during their adventure, they honestly told Lucy: Why can't I see Aslan?  They envied (not in a bad way) how Lucy  is so blessed to be able to see Aslan from afar.   Even the Narnians lost hope because they were being oppressed for so long, and Aslan never appeared as they were told by their ancestors.  The existence of "Aslan" was doubted, they thought the story about Aslan was merely "story".  Then when enemies came to attack, they fought with all their might, even willing to fight til death....but there is no hope of winning.  Tired, desperate, hopelessness.....waited for so long but WHERE IS ASLAN? 

That's exactly how I felt.

In the end, through the help of brave Lucy, Aslan was found (who was waiting for the Pevensies to ask for help).  At the crucial moment, the Lion roared, enemy defeated, battle won. 

As I was watching the scene where Aslan was manifesting his great power by summoning the nature for help, I felt God was remaining to me again: I'm here, I've always been here, dear.  

"Be still, and know that I am God"

and Jesus said
"Give me your hand, and learn to let go
trust in Me, that's all you need to know"

因為facebook的關係，竟然「遇」上十多年沒有聯絡的小學同學......突然好像時光倒留到小學年代.....一群在我腦海中失落在角落的名字浮現了出來......感覺很神奇。於是立刻用MSN聯絡同學仔，很雀躍地要跟他「相認」……一下子好像要尋找曾經失落的回憶和友誼……又不停在facebook尋找其他「失散」了的小學和中學同學...好像有點瘋狂....希望我「奇怪」的舉動沒有嚇親同學仔 :P

你好，我叫馬佩雲。
歡迎與我「相認」。
小學：馬頭涌官立下午小學  88/89 1C; 89/90 2A; 90/91 3A; 91/92 4C; 92/93 5C; 93/94 6C
中學：路德會協同中學 94/95 S.1B (Miss曾); 95/96 S.2E (林啟榮老師) 於 95年12月離校往澳洲繼續學業。

與我小四同班的同學仔：記得當年的聖誕聯歡會，我們都好像發了瘋一般的唱李克勤的「護花使者」嗎？當時的卡拉OK是從播放ETV的電視機播的！  :-)

Drink more water
Eat more fruit and vegetable
Do bit more exercise
Sleep abit earlier
Do more drawing
Read more books
Think about God abit more
Thank Him abit more
Spend more time with my grandparents
Spend more time with my cousins
Spend more time with my family
Spend more time with my friends
Cook abit more
Pamper myself abit more
.........................................................anymore to add?

Watched Evan Almighty a few weeks back...it's one of the movie that I like recently.  I had been thinking of writing a blog about this movie after watching it but forgot about it because of the busyness in moving house....but after hearing my pastor's preaching on the web today, it reminded me again about something I've learned out of the movie....

Basically it's a story about a man who had a plan of his career and while on the way of pursuing it, God appeared and gave him the project of building an Ark to "change the world".  Pastor pointed out an interesting mistake that most people make: when people pray, they do not know what they are asking for.  When Evan in the movie prayed and told God that he would like to change the world, God told him to build an ark so that he may save people from the flood....but Evan thought it is crazy and hesitated to do it.  Evan's wife Joan prayed and asked God to bring unity into the family....but when Evan needed her help and support in building the ark, she thought her husband had gone insane, and decided to leave with their 3 children. 

I too....make the same mistake...very often, without knowing. 
Like the blog that I posted previously....when we often ask God for certain thing, God won't drop them onto our laps.....instead, more than often, He wants us to gain it through a process.....and it is the process that's all matters, not the result.  Because we could be molded and changed to become more like Christ through the process and bear the fruits: Love, Patience, Gentleness, Goodness, Kindness, Faithfulness and Self-control......it is a process that God enjoy witnessing...just like when we grow a plant, seeing the seed grows day by day.

Yep....very interesting.